Joint Review: The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz

Happy September everyone! This week Blodeuedd and I are discussing, "The Spellman Files" by Lisa Lutz.

Author: Lisa Lutz
Title: The Spellman Files (The Spellmans #1)
Genre: Mystery and Comedy
Pages: 370 pages
First Published: January 1st 2007
Where I Got It: Borrowed from library

Isabel Spellman, the uncompromising—okay, obstinate—twenty-eight year-old San Francisco private eye in Lisa Lutz's riotous debut novel, THE SPELLMAN FILES has her share of problems. And those problems all happen to be named Spellman. Her parents, Albert and Olivia, co-owners of Spellman Investigations, think nothing of placing their daughter under 24-hour surveillance simply to find out if she has a new boyfriend. David, her perfect older brother, who escaped the family business by becoming a lawyer, is hypercritical of just about everything Isabel says, wears, or does. Fourteen-year-old sister Rae lives on sugared snacks, considers recreation surveillance her favorite hobby, and believes that life is one endless opportunity for intra-familial blackmail. And good-natured Uncle Ray, a former cop and health food nut, now embraces gambling and drinking; and when he's not in battle with his niece Rae over the whereabouts of his favorite shirt, must be rescued from "lost weekends."

Welcome to Izzy Spellman's off-kilter world. Equal parts Sam Spade and Bridget Jones, she's a damn good investigator—if only her dysfunctional family would back off and let her do her thing. Izzy's cynical—okay, wise—enough to realize that a primrose-covered cottage with a white picket fence is not in her future. That's okay with her. Ever the jaded P.I., she catalogs her ex-boyfriends with calculated brevity, reducing her romantic misjudgments to curt summaries of name, age, occupation, hobbies, duration, and last words. No sooner has she met a new man that she begins composing his exit profile.

Hired to trail a husband whose wife suspects he's gay, Isabel easily determines that nothing could be further from the truth. 

B: Truth be told we were supposed to read something else and went for this one instead, i n my opinion that never works out. Or what do you think?

C: Nope - I don’t think it ever has so far. Le sigh. B: Lesson learned then, never ever change book. C: We are truly in the minority with this one. I was going through Goodreads and EVERYONE gave this a 3+ only 2% of the reviews had 1 star. But I tried...I tried REALLY hard to like this. Normally books like these are fun, but it was a failure in my eyes. How about you?? B: I saw that, everyone was all, it’s funny, cute whatever. While I was all, what is this weird crap? It felt like it jumped from one thing to another, flashbacks here and there, which timeline are we on? Messy. And well, so not funny. Everyone were also idiots and I did not like anyone. C: I felt the same. The beginning….OH MY GOODNESS. I had such a hard time getting through it. Yes, I love backstories as much as the next person. However, we went through her entire childhood. It took over 100 pages to get through to get to the actual story. By then I was not caring at all. The only character that was bearable was her brother, but he was the perfect character and I can’t handle perfect characters. Bllleeeehhhh B: I was all, why is she talking to that person….why is these whatever things still here...omg still on this. And when we finally learned what was going on I had stopped caring. It took WAY too long to get there. I was done with these people. They are creepy stalkers all of them. C: It was especially creepy how they made their kids work for them! They had them track, stalk, and monitor people. Like...is that safe???????? What type of parents do that? B: How are these kids alive? Bad parenting all around. The dad had the cops in his pocket. C: Yes he did. Just strange….IDK why you want to have your PI office where your kids are. Do they not realize that if baddies find out where you live you are putting your lives and your kids’ lives on the line! Just...I couldn’t care about the family because they are messed up. Sure some parts were funny like the dad and mom interrogating her when she was a child. She was witty and I found that funny. But the rest? No. B: I could not even find her witty. The book was just sad and skimworthy, nothing else. A huge huge disappointment. I promised you a fun ride with this book and it failed. Noooooooooo! I am the worst picker of books. C: Oh hush. You are not ;) You picked a few good ones! Getting bad ones makes us extra love the good ones we find! Trust me. ;) Like I have been itching to re-read “The Snow Child” and “Me Before You”. Two awesome picks that I just randomly remembered. Hehehe

B: But yes - this was a super bummer. It truly had SUCH promise.That reminds we, we were supposed to read book 2 one day, me after you or whatever. But yes I do not really have much to say about this book. Just do not bother reading it. I skimmed a lot. It was not funny, people were idiots and I was disappointed. It did hold promise as you say, but for me it totally failed to deliver on that promise.
C: Yes, not funny, characters were annoyingly idiotic, and the beginning was the most long-drawn out thing EVER. It made Nathanial Hawthorne look speedy. Simply a bummer. B: Lol, I think this is one of our shortest discussions ever. It was just so bad that we can't even rant. C: There is not much to say. I couldn’t even enjoy the main part of the story, because I was so done after 100+ of backstory on this crappy family. LOL! B: Ha. yes for me it would have been a dnf but I wanted to read so we could talk about it...well skim ahead ;) C: Skim away m’am!!!!! My turn to pick the next book I suppose ;) B: By all that is holy, make a better pick than I did. C: *kneels* I shall try milady! Hehe B: The end? C: Then end of a bad tale.

**CAROLE'S CONCLUSION**
I wanted to like this...I really did. However, the beginning was a total drag. Sure there were a couple of funny moments, but the backstory of her and her wholllleeeee family was a bit too much for my liking. I lost interest after all of it. I skimmed the rest of the book. Super bummer. I shall stamp this with 1 star. 

B's Monday Review: The Prince and I by Karen Hawkins

Gregori Romanovin, Oxenburg's warrior prince, is escorting his grandmother to a ball deep in the Scottish Highlands when he and his entourage are robbed at sword point by a group of ruffians. Led by a man dubbed the Scottish Robin Hood, battle-savvy Gregori senses that something's amiss - that 'he' is really a 'she'.

Lady Murian is a young, beautiful widow seeking revenge against the powerful earl who murdered her husband and stole his birthright. Living in the woods, she and her banished band of men rob wealthy nobles visiting the evil earl.

But when Murian ambushes the Prince's golden coach, she gets far more than she bargained for. And she's left fearing that he is the real thief...of her heart. 

My thoughts:

I have never read one of XoXos free reads, and now I did, and was all omg why did I not do this before! Arghhh, the books I have missed that have been free!

I have read, like 2 novellas in this series, but I do think this is the first full-length book. And yes it's part of a series, and no I did not read in order. But this is historical romance, a man meets a woman, they fall in love, in lust and live happily ever after. I do not need to see his brother fall in love to follow along with that. Which means, yes it works as a stand-alone, never read a HR that did not.

Murian is a widow after an ass of a Lord killed her husband and stole her castle. Now she robs people.

Max is a general and prince of his country, and he is bringing his grandma to the ass of a lord for some reason he does not understand.

They fall in love, they do it, there is drama with the ass of a lord, and they live happily ever after.

Conclusion:
The next book sounds fun too.

Cover
Good.

Mass Market Paperback, 400 pages
Published August 25th 2015 by Pocket Books
The Oxenburg Princes #2
Historical romance
XOXO free read

Book Review: Radiance by Grace Draven

Author: Grace Draven
Title: Radiance (Wraith Kings #1)
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Pages: ebook
First Published: February 2014
Where I Got It: My Shelf (Amazon)

THE PRINCE OF NO VALUE

Brishen Khaskem, prince of the Kai, has lived content as the nonessential spare heir to a throne secured many times over. A trade and political alliance between the human kingdom of Gaur and the Kai kingdom of Bast-Haradis requires that he marry a Gauri woman to seal the treaty. Always a dutiful son, Brishen agrees to the marriage and discovers his bride is as ugly as he expected and more beautiful than he could have imagined. 

THE NOBLEWOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE 

Ildiko, niece of the Gauri king, has always known her only worth to the royal family lay in a strategic marriage. Resigned to her fate, she is horrified to learn that her intended groom isn’t just a foreign aristocrat but the younger prince of a people neither familiar nor human. Bound to her new husband, Ildiko will leave behind all she’s known to embrace a man shrouded in darkness but with a soul forged by light. 

Two people brought together by the trappings of duty and politics will discover they are destined for each other, even as the powers of a hostile kingdom scheme to tear them apart.

A couple of people I know have read this and highly recommended this book and the series. I was a little reluctant at first, but then  I found it on Amazon and decided to give a go.

What type of fool am I to deny this book for so long?

Comedy, romance, fantasy, drama, action, and so much more.

I laughed, I cried. I was addicted from page one. The story of Ildiko and Brishen was certainly unique. One is human and one is a Kai (I'm not sure how or what they really are - they are an older race who are considered "beastly" to the humans) and they are forced to marry to keep the two kingdoms at peace and united. They become friends through honesty and jokes. What else can you do when you are revolting to each other and have to spend the rest of your lives together?

Friendship slowly turns to love, but it takes a while and I'm glad it did. Seeing each other's souls is the only way to look past the ugliness and the cultural differences. I do feel worse for IIdiko since she had to move to his kingdom and change her diet and sleep schedule since the Kai hate the sunlight. She also has to deal with the malicious and deadly Queen who is Brishen's madre. Talk about the worse mother-in-law EVER! The bitch tried killing her after a few days there. SMH. 

All the characters were intriguing and I am looking forward to learning about them. I believe the third book in the series is about someone else. 

I think my only complaint was how evil the Queen is. I get it....but why? What is her motivation? Maybe it will be explained in the next book, but it seemed SO over-the-top on how evil she was. I didn't get anything about her. Like why make the alliance with the Gauri (humans) and her kingdom and then decide, "Eh - fuck it...let's kill my son and his bride and potentially spark a war that we agreed to avoid by this marriage. Yesssss!" Like what? This seems like too much work. I kinda get why the neighboring countries don't approve of the marriage, but why piss off two nations? Maybe I don't understand the politics of this world yet. It sure is a different world and maybe the next book will assist in my knowledge of the world and its politics. 

Besides my not understanding the whys and motivations, this was an excellent read. I do highly encourage lovers of fantasy to give this a chance. Yes, there is romance, but there is so much more going on. I shall stamp this with 4 stars. Nearly a five. ;)

Saturday Movie Night: Hardcore Henry (2015)

Come one, come all to the first Saturday Movie Night! Blodeuedd and Carole will be leading the charge! Today's movie is "Hardcore Henry" which was a Carole's choice. Sit down, eat some popcorn, and enjoy the discussion. 

Title: Hardcore Henry
Genre: SCI-FI, Action and Adventure
Running Time: 1 hour and 36 minutes
Rating: R
Released: April 2015

Henry is resurrected from death with no memory, and he must save his wife from a telekinetic warlord with a plan to bio-engineer soldiers.

TRAILER: 

DISCUSSION:

C: Welcome to the danger zone! AKA Our first discussion on a movie!! HUZZAH!

B: Yay. Let us begin, and it was Carole that chose the first movie...just sayin’ ;)

C: And you agreed willing. Hehehehe. SO! This was originally a BF movie that he was DYING to see and I agreed to watch it with him. Since then he has watched it TWO more times. Weirdo! LOL But I liked it. Not loved it. I liked it though. You?

B: I thought it was dreadful, and BF thought it was so boring. Not a good start for me.

C: WHAT!? LOL Boring? These words confuse me m’am! xD

B: Lots of people running around, blah blah, some killings, blah blah. A budget of 10 dollars. A really bad movie ;)

C: Yes, lots of running and lots of killing. But the subtle plot is what intrigued me. It didn’t come together until near the end, for me at least. Plus I do adore mindless action films. Haha ;)

B: I love mindless action movies, but here, no, just no. It was too dull, too little, and in the end I was all what? What the f did I just watch? Not the movie for me I  guess. I did not have a problem with the fact that we never saw the main character cos it was through his eyes, but….it could have been better made. Better actors, better everything, maybe then it would have been better? Oh how terrible I am, even low budget movies can be good.

C: Honestly, the whole first person view was my favorite part of the movie. I thought it was clever. There was a point near the end when you got to see the main characters face. Fun fact, the “actor” who played the main character was just a stunt man (thus why they probably never let him talk lmao) and all those stunts he did. I thought Henry was a total Badass! Loved it. True and I agree many of the cast of MEH. But I did like Henry and the one guy and his clones. He was good and funny.

B: I also had issues with it being the future? I mean they had clones and shot floating in the sky, BUT everything else sucked. Freaking lada cars, and oh yes so Russia. It was like oh we are in the future, but everything stayed the same. Srsly was it the future?

C: Mmmmmm I don’t think horribly in the future. I think maybe like 10 years in the future or something. I think it was a play on all the robotic arms and stuff we are giving people now. And in 10 years they think you can do what they did to Henry...like make him 90% robotic after a horrible accident.

B: So let’s say that the rich got rich and have tech, but the poor people of Russia was still stuck in the 90s ;)

C: Pretty much! XD Which seem accurate to me. ;D

B: Maybe it was too Russian for me...like I did not understand it or something. Who knows. Maybe I am too old ;)

C: Psha. You are not too old. LOL! I didn’t understand anything until BF explained it  to me. Which is my big issue...not a lot of explaining of the world and what the hell is going on. I think it would have made it WAY better honestly.

B: It did have lots of promise, and yes it could have been done So much better. I think it’s one of those movies you love or hate…

C: I think so too. From other reviews people either LOVE IT or HATE IT. I personally liked it a lot. I wouldn’t say “love”, but almost love. Haha. BUT I do want to talk about that ending. CLASSIC! LOVED IT! That baddie had it coming. Good for you Henry.

B: And I….ok I did not hate it. But it was boring. Yup. And BF agrees ha.

C: WHA? The last fight!? It was awesome. The baddie and his...associate(?)....got what they had coming and it was great. I laughed out loud with the last scene on the helicopter with the associate. BRUTAL!

B: I mostly meant the whole movie. The end was somewhat amusing, eh.

C: I see I see. I’m just brutal I guess ;) I wish that they had had a bigger budget and explained to world more. So. Anything else to add?

B: Hmmm, a boring movie. You might like it, you might not.

C: I thought it was fun and interesting. But like you said, you might like it or you might not. :D So! My dear, tis your turn to pick the next film. MWUAHAHAHA

B: I wonder what I should pick, something new? Or something I loved before?

C: *waggles brows* All you girl! LOL The end?

B: The end