All I Wanted Was Your Time by Carole Rae

 All I wanted was your time. 

But you never had the time. 

You never could take a minute.

A second

A millisecond. 

There was never time for me…for us. 

I can’t speak for all, but I can speak for me. 

I loved you with my whole heart, 

But you couldn’t spare me a heartbeat. 

I called and I called and I called. 

I emailed and messaged…but you left me unread. 

What did I do to deserve your cold shoulder?

What could I have done for you to see me? 

I lived my life the best I could. 

I did things that made others proud. 

I was loud 

With these accomplishments

Just so you could see. 

But you still didn’t love me. 

What did I do? 

What did we do?

You found a new family before I was even born

So was your love for me doomed from the start?

I spent my whole life wanting your time. 

I just wanted a minute

A second.

A millisecond.

I just wanted your love. 

I wanted to be adored. 

That is all, I swear. 

But here we are. 

I stand upon this Earth with nothing

But your clock that ran out of time. 

You had nothing to give me but two little gifts….

One, the knowledge that sometimes blood isn’t enough. 

And two, sometimes no matter what I do, I will never be enough.

Terror Beyond Light by Carole Rae & Sam B.

Hello all! The time has finally arrived (over a year late might I add)! My friend and I have been working on this little piece for a while. It got shoved to the back burner because of life, but I dusted this off and now I am ready to share our little story that was inspired by HP Lovecraft. We hope you enjoy! :)

Terror Beyond Light

Written & edited by: Carole Rae

Story creation & edited by: Sam B. 

Thunk!

The razor fell from my hand as the Egg jolted. I can only guess that we hit an air pocket. Which can only mean one thing… we were getting close to our destination…. The Black Hole.

A smile crept upon my lips as I beheld myself in the small mirror in the bathroom. I finished shaving quickly; missing a few spots in my haste to hurry. I didn’t bother cleaning my small hairs all over the sink, because were getting closer to my destiny. To my fate. To my greatest accomplishment.

I rushed out the door and hollered, “Did you FEEL that! Can you FEEL it? We are so close, Langston!” I looked over at my silent companion as I sat down in the pilot’s seat. He was ever silent, but his eyes always held such hope. His hair was dark ebony and his eyes glittered blue, “Chap… you seemed to miss a couple of spots shaving! You must HAVE felt that jolt too. Look at us. So close!”

Turning my attention out to the black oblivion in front of me. I looked for any signs of this black hole. It had to be close. For days there had been a quiet nothingness. Smooth sailing. Not a single bump or asteroid. Space could be kind to travelers, or it could be an evil mistress. Much like the sea in a lot of ways.

After I had my degree, I joined this rag-tag group of scientists and travelers. My colleagues and I all had a single goal in exploring this place we call heaven. It was up to us to prove to the world that there was much, much more. However, my colleagues were too scared to do what had to be done. Without a thought or care, I loaded up the Egg in the middle of the night and took off. I had my theories and I would prove it to my team and to the world. They would celebrate my name forever. The thought curled my lips and I exclaimed to Langston, “It goes against all laws of science. My colleagues said it can’t, shouldn’t be done, but we can, and we will.” I snickered and then looked over at Langston who was smiling brightly and there was a twinkle in his eye. Yet, like normal, he said nothing, and I turned my focus out towards the black sea of space.

Thunk! Thunk!

Another couple of jolts. I held tight to the wheel and adjusted some nobs. My heart was pounding. I looked up and still nothing.

Thunk! Thunk!

My knuckles went white trying to hold the Egg together, “C’mon old Bessie! We can make it! God is on our side!”

And then it appeared.

Larger or more beautiful than I could imagine. A spiraling black hole was there pulling and tugging on us like a deprived lover.  I wanted to jump and dance, but the Egg started shaking and bolting forward. This was it! This has been what I have been looking for! My life’s dream, “Langston old chap! WE ARE CROSSING INTO A NEW WORLD!” I managed a glance at him, and he was pale, but smiling, “No need to fret old boy. We have this! The Egg can handle it.”

Looking back to the looming blackness in front of us, I leaned back, and I pushed the Egg forward.

The Egg began to rattle and shake the closer we got to the Black Hole. I may not be the best Christian, but I made a quick prayer as I increased the speed. In an instant, we were being dragged into the Black Hole. Every travelers’ dream. My theory would be proven right, and I would earn my seat next to the geniuses of the world like Einstein.

All sense of time and sense of self fluttered away as the Egg bounced around in a frenzy against the utter powerful forces that were now out of my control. We were traveling beyond the speed of light. I heard a scream. It must’ve been Langston. I tried to call out to relax him and tell him all would be well. This would end soon, and we would find ourselves on the other end of this deep, dark hole of the unknown. I, the weary traveler, would survive this and be remembered for all of time as the Father of the Black Hole.

The Egg rattled and twisted and tumbled around. Lights of all different colors sped around us making me want to vomit. There was no noise, just a terrible silence of rushing lights and rushing colors. The Egg shuddered and groaned, but it would not relent. I pushed it forward. There would be an end. There had to be end. Another scream. Again, I could not get the words to come out. My world fluttered by me and I could not make up or down. Our Egg bounced around uncontrollably through this unimaginable tunnel.

As quickly as it started, it stopped.

Our things fell to the floor in a clutter and crash. I rubbed my eyes and croaked a question, “Langston. Are you all right?” I looked over to him. He looked a horrible mess. His eyes were bulging out and his face was flushed. He nodded at me and I nodded at him. A mutual moment of understanding passed between us.

I finally looked out to see where we had stopped. If I had been a woman, I would have fainted at the sight of it. We were surrounded by an array of clouds in all different colors. Matters of all different shapes and hues floated around us. An ancient universe. This was surreal! White dots scattered around us as if they were miniature stars that we could grab and hold. Everything in me wanted to open the Egg’s hatch and grab one of these stars. The beauty of it brought tears to my eyes. However, something nudged at my brain. There was something off with this place we found. The laws of physics seemed to be null and void. I shook my head and then I turned my eyes to Langston, his eyes had tears as well, “I believe we found Heaven dear boy! Ha!”

In my zeal, I jumped up and ran to my desk. I dug around for my notepad and camera. I would write about this Heaven on the other side of the Black Hole and take a mountain of photos. None would believe me without it.

Finally finding everything I needed in the mess, I turned and then I saw the most terrible of sights. My camera and my notepad fell to the floor. I walked back to my place at the controls. I could not take my eyes from what was now in front of us.

The tentacles and claws were surreal and ghastly. It lumbered mere meters away from us. It seemed to glide effortlessly among this ancient universe. I then looked into the Eye and maw that are darker than the blackest abyss and what defied my very understanding of reason. An utter absence of all light.

I cried out, “No God would allow such a damned creature to exist. THERE IS NO GOD!” It stared into my very soul. I could feel its tentacles in my mind reaching, grasping for something. I tried to back away. I tried to look away. I tried to go to my seat and drive us away, but I was cemented in place just staring into the terrible and empty ebony of the Eye and maw.

The terror in front of me said into my mind, “YOU WILL KNOW ME.”

A scream filled the Egg. I finally broke away from the terror’s gaze and I ran to Langston. A tremor caused me to slip and drag Langston down with me. As I fell, a crack filled the air. I looked down and, in my hands, there was Langston looking up at me with hysterics in his eyes. A drop of blood from my eyes fell onto him. I touched the cold surface and I looked down at the small crack right by his arm. I looked into Langston’s eyes and back at the blood. My gaze caught a shimmer of small silver letters on a dark green board right above his head, “PROPERTY OF LANGSTON CORP”. A hoarse and insane laugh left my lips.

More droplets of blood poured from my eyes and now from my nostril. I looked down at myself covered in blood and then out the window at the terror. It was closer and reaching out with its clawed tentacle. I laughed manically and said, “I’ve seen things, things from dreams. Dreams filled with screams. Oh, those horrible things.”

All went black and I fell forward, crashing upon the mirror. The last words I heard were, “You will know me.”

The End.

Wednesday Writing Prompt #12

Happy Wednesday everyone! This is a Wednesday prompt that showcases my responses to the writing prompts in this 300 Writing Prompt book. Just something fun to do! Feel free to join in. I may not share every week, but it is fun to share when I do.

What do you think is the most important thing for today's kids to learn in school?

Respect. 

Respect for others, animals, and themselves. It's so important to have a sense of respect. Maybe they can play the song over and over and over to get through their thick skulls. LOL

What is the best road trip you have ever taken? Who was there? Where did you go? What did you see along the way?

The best? Oh my. I've been on so many...umm...

I would have to say when a group of my gal pals and I went to Ohio to surprise our friend on her birthday. 

Our friend was living with her boyfriend for the summer while the semester was out (yes, this was in our college days). We drove down and hung out with her over the weekend. It was so fun and she was excited to see us for sure. 

Here is a picture of us. She was having a nice dinner with her boyfriend and we just came in and ruined it ;) He was totally in on it though. (note - I'm in the pink shirt...I miss that shirt it was soooo cute. The sleeves had lace. SIGHS):

Wednesday Writing Prompt #10

Happy Wednesday everyone! This is a Wednesday prompt that showcases my responses to the writing prompts in this 300 Writing Prompt book. Just something fun to do! Feel free to join in. I may not share every week, but it is fun to share when I do.

Woah! Been SO long since I've shared anything. I got lazy part way through the year. Whoooppppssss. LOL 

- Write about a time everything changed in the blink of an eye. 

I'm sure there are a few, but the first one that comes to mind was in 2012. 

My BF and I had been dating a few months at this point. I had decided that I wanted to move out of my parents' house and move in with my friend (who also happens to be my BF's sister too). I sat BF down and told him my decision. 

He looked at me and without any hesitation asked, "Why don't you move in with me instead?"

Woah! I said yes and my life changed. 6 years later we are still together and bought a new house last year. 

- Write about a souvenir you bought or received.

My favorite was the handmade giraffe that my aunt bought for me many, many years ago. It was from Africa from when she went there as a traveling nurse to help out some locals. 

I'm sad because it is slowly falling apart now. 

- What is the biggest trigger for stress in your life?

When things/decisions are 100% out of my hands. When I have no say in the decision making or outcome I tend to explode into a world of stress. 

~*~

What about you guys? 

Wednesday Writing Prompt #9

Happy Wednesday everyone! This is a Wednesday prompt that showcases my responses to the writing prompts in this 300 Writing Prompt book. Just something fun to do! Feel free to join in. I may not share every week, but it is fun to share when I do.

 What is the first thing you do when you wake up every morning? Why?

I          - I check my phone. First, I turn off my alarm and from there I check my texts, facebook, email, time hop, twitter, and if I have time snapchat Why? I am a modern girl. Ha! I'm not sure why, but one main reason is that I enjoy laying in bed allowing myself to wake up more. That bed is too comfy!!

                  Write about something you purchased used. 
             - I've purchased many things used. The last thing was a book. I'm still waiting for it to come in the mail (**this was written a few days ago, it has come in the mail since then). I do love used books especially if they are gently used. I love seeing how the pages had been held and loved. Beautiful. Like art. 

           
                 What color do you feel like today?
             - Today? I feel a light-grey blue. I feel calm, accomplished, and relaxed. My mood is pretty zen at the moment. Granted I still have the day to get through and work can change that in a heartbeat. Honestly, I try not to let it impact me, but there are days, moments, and certain peop'le who really push my buttons. 

                 If you were to teach as a career, what would you teach?
             - I would be a history and English teacher. Easy answer. I actually took teaching classes for a couple of years. It was amazing and I LOVED it, but alas, the politics that comes with it was not worth it. The system needs to change before I go back. 

Wednesday Writing Prompt #8

Happy Wednesday everyone! This is a Wednesday prompt that showcases my responses to the writing prompts in this 300 Writing Prompt book. Just something fun to do! Feel free to join in. I may not share every week, but it is fun to share when I do.

-          What modern technological device takes up most of your time?

o    My work computer. I spend 40 hours a week and sometimes more when I ‘m asked to work extra. This thing has taken over my life. 

-          Have you ever had the rotten experience of having to put a pet down?

o    Yes, sadly. When I was 16 years old. My childhood dog became blind (or near-blind) and he had cancerous tumors crawling on him. Through mercy and love I went with my mom to put him down. It was the hardest thing in my life I had to do, but he was there through 10 years of my life, so I had to. 

  I miss you Moe! My brother, my boy, my old best friend. 

-      Have you ever lived in another country besides your country of birth? Would you want to?

o    No, I have not. For heaven’s sake I never have left the US! I need to get off my lazy romp and go somewhere. BUT if I could pick ANYWHERE! Maybe France or Scotland. I do love my country, but I think I would love living somewhere else for a while. 

Wednesday Writing Prompt #7

Happy Wednesday everyone! This is a Wednesday prompt that showcases my responses to the writing prompts in this 300 Writing Prompt book. Just something fun to do! Feel free to join in. I may not share every week, but it is fun to share when I do.

Holy cow! It has been a LONG time since I've share some of my prompts. I blame it on moving and losing the darn thing. I recently found it after unpacking. We are about 90% done. HUZZAH! So I should have more of these in the future. I would at least like to share all 300. 

-          Have you experienced something that just could not be logically explained?

o   My life? Ha! No, but seriously I have so many experiences. The one that first comes to mind is an experience I had eons ago. I was very little, about 5. My mom and I were living with my Grandpa Carol. One day, I was in the basement playing with my Barbies on the cot. This slim, black cat came up to me. I said a hello and went back to my fantasy world. The cat meowed, sniffed me, and then it went under the cot. I thought nothing of it. That night after being ticked in that same cat appeared and came over to me. It meowed and jumped on the bed. We cuddled. The next night the cat never came again. I asked mom where the cat had gone. She looked at me utterly confused, “What cat?”

Later I found out that cat had been dead for 5 years.

-          What do you need right now?

o   I need a nap. I need a nap on a vacation. What is better than when you are on vacation and you have all the time to just take a nap with zero care or stresses? Naps on vacation is worth all the stress of life and work. Oh! I could use some Oreos too right about now. Yes, Oreos and a long nap.

-          It is the end of your life and you are up on stage being presented with a major award. What award is it, and what have won it for?

o   Award? Ummmmmm…..clumsy-no-matter-what Award. The reason is clear. I get hurt NO matter what. For example, I pulled a muscle in my foot and I have no idea how or why. So yes…fumbling and tumbling through life award.

Tell Me Something Tuesday: Goals for 2018

Tell Me Something Tuesday is a weekly discussion post on Rainy Day Ramblings where Rainy discuss a wide range of topics from books to blogging. Weigh in and join the conversation by adding your thoughts in the comments. If you want to do your own post, grab the question and answer it on your blog.

Goals for 2018
Oooooooooooo goals. I am so bad at these!

READING GOALS: I know for sure I want to read 108 books this year. Don’t judge me on my odd number of books ;). My secret goal is for 110 books, but I don’t have faith in myself. I start the challenge SO strong, but I fall apart during the summer. Luckily I won’t have school or moving to hinder me. Hopefully this will be the first year where I literally have NO excuses to slack in my reading or posting on my blog. Which brings me to my next goal.

BLOG GOALS: I plan to try and post more frequently this year! Usually I would go through posting a lot to posting once a week. The goal for this year is to have a post at least 6 days out of the 7 days of the week. One day during the week I may take a breather and not post anything. Ideally I would like a daily post of my randomness…but let’s take some baby steps. Maybe 2019 we can up the goal!

MOVIE GOALS: I want to at least watch one movie a week and have a review for it. Last year I went through bursts. Watching a lot…then nothing for days. One movie a week is my goal! If I can get two I would take a shot of whiskey in celebration. 

AUDIOBOOK GOALS: Here is a rough one I have always struggled with. This year I want to listen to at least 2 audiobooks. So far I have already listened to one. This is a very doable goal for some, but for me? I struggle. I have a hard time finding audios and if the narrator is boring I for sure skip it and read the book myself. So we shall! I would faint if I listen to more than 2 this year!! Again..baby steps. Maybe 2019 I can push that number up a hair. We shall see. 

PERSONAL LIFE GOALS: I would like to say I want to lose more weight. But the number doesn’t bug me anymore. I just want to be healthier. Now that we have our own house, we are making our own little gym in the tool shed. So far we have weights, weighted-jump rope, and a punching bag. I’m currently saving money for an elliptical for me. My goal for this year is to work out at least 2 times a week. I don’t see this happening until I get my elliptical, so I will be nice to myself until I get that. For now, I’ll just walk and maybe punch on the punching bag and do a couple of weights here and there.  

Another goal I have is to be more artisy-craftsy once we are done unpacking and decorating the house (I need to see what we really need). I am inspired by my friend, Ciri (one of her painting is actually the header I now use for my blog). She is so awesome at making things for her house. She inspired me SO much that I actually went to a work function after work. We went to Painting with a Twist and we painted a portrait. Sure we were guided by a professional, but I ended up being SO proud of my work. It is currently up at my house. It is Christmas-y, so when I take down my decorations that will be packed away until next year. That experience made me I want to do more! This includes writing more too. Maybe I’ll share some of my stuff I make or stuff I write in the future! Below is the portrait that I did. #iamproud

Wednesday Writing Prompt #6

Happy Wednesday everyone! It's been a while since I've shared some of my writings from this writing prompt book. I'm really liking it. I highly recommend it. :) There is a 500 one that I bought for my friend...seems a little much for me...hard enough to do these 300. 

1) List a few phobias you have. When and how did you discover you had these fears?

- The dark: I am terrified of absolute darkness. I have always been afraid, so I am not sure how or when I discovered this.

- Spiders: I discovered this when I was about 12 and I was ordered by my parents to go into the attic. Yeah. I learned the truth behind the evil of spiders that day.

2) You are a children's book writer. Write the first few lines of your new book.

Once upon a time there was a kitten. She had been left alone and she was scared. However, she had hope she would find a family to love her. It would be the best the family in the land.

3) If you had been able to choose, would you rather have been an only child or part of a very large family?

I am currently a single child. I have always dreamed of having siblings. More people to love and share a childhood with.

4) If I looked into your fridge right now, what would I find?

Not a whole bunch. I really need to go shopping. There is a bunch of miscellaneous stuff that would really make a strange feast. 

Wednesday Writing Prompt #5

Happy Wednesday everyone! It's been a while since I've shared some of my writings from this writing prompt book. I'm really liking it. I highly recommend it. :) There is a 500 one that I bought for my friend...seems a little much for me...hard enough to do these 300. 

1) What area of your life do you tend to enjoy in excess instead of moderation?

What a loaded question! Well... there are a few things. The area I really enjoy in excess is staying home. I am totally a homebody. I should get out more and visit people more, but when I get out of work I want to die and crash at home. Is this truly wrong? No...I'm seriously asking.

2) Write about three realistic goals you would like to achieve in your lifetime.

1. Travel outside the US. This is truly my #1 goal. I have a list of places I want to go.

2. Get to a certain size. I've lost some weight, but there is more I want to lose. 

3. Have a kid and maybe marriage. I've always had that in my brain since I was a wee little thing. 

3) When was the last time you got lost?

At work. I get lost ALL the time. I just get turned around when I am in a new area. I just started working at an apartment complex and I had to find a certain building and I got all turned around. Talk about looking like a fool, because I happen to live at that apartment community too. 

Wednesday Writing Prompt #4

Happy Wednesday everyone! It's been a while since I've shared some of my writings from this writing prompt book. I'm really liking it. I highly recommend it. :) There is a 500 one that I bought for my friend...seems a little much for me...hard enough to do these 300. 

1) Complete this thought: "I wish I had paid more attention when..."

I wish I had paid more attention when my grandpa  was alive. He told me so many stories. I remember many of them. However, when I got to my pre-teen years I didn't pay him as much attention as I would now. Talk about guilt.

2) What do you look forward to every week?

The weekend/days off are what I look forward to every week. It is the only thing that gets me through the working week. I know, I know typical answer. 

3) Were you born to shine in one special way? What makes you really stand out?

Born to shine in one special way? I'm not sure. I think I'm too young to know this really. Does anyone really know what they are born to do? Does anyone know how they stand out in a good way. I know a lot of ways that I stand out negatively. I can't really answer this question. Maybe my desire to help people is what I was born to do and my compassion is what makes me shine brighter then the other candles in the row. 

4) What stupid question have you heard someone ask (or asked yourself)?

I like to believe there is never a "stupid questions". BUT there are dumb questions adults should never ask and I have been asked before: 

-What is a type-writer?

- Reading is dumb, why do you do that?

- What year is it?

- Why bother learning history?

Wednesday Writing Prompt #3

Happy Wednesday everyone! It's been a while since I've shared some of my writings from this writing prompt book. I'm really liking it. I highly recommend it. :) There is a 500 one that I bought for my friend...seems a little much for me...hard enough to do these 300. 

1) Name one thing you lied to yourself about. Why did you do this?

Being human can really be a bummer. Sometimes lying to oneself is the only way to survive this crazy world and being a stinky human. Like everyone else I have lied to myself. The most recent example I have to share is about a job I really wanted. I did the interview and I was utterly convinced that I would get it. Even with some of the hints and long lull of waiting, I lied to myself that I was the one. I was the chosen one for the perfect job. Why did I lie? I blame the manager because she promised I was a shoe-in. Alas, I have not heard a word. It is to be assumed that I was not shoe-in the manager and myself promised I was. 

2) What did you get into trouble for the most when you were a kid?

When I was a kid I got in trouble for lying. I hated disappointing or upsetting people. I especially loathed getting in trouble. Lying, of course, would make it worse if I was caught.

3) Do you prefer taking risks or having a safety net?

I prefer a safety net. As much as I wish I was a risky girl, I am not. I blame my parents. They raised me to think and plan.

Wednesday Writing Prompt #2

Happy Wednesday everyone! For Xmas I bought myself a little writing prompt journal. I just now started writing in it. For fun I'll share some of the prompts that I've written. Feel free to join in with your answers! I'm really curious to see what everyone else says.

1) Give your city (or town or region) a new name that reflects what type of a place it is, and explain why you chose that name.

Curve City. There is not a straight road in this city. There are so many lakes, the developers legit had to develop the roads around the lakes. It takes forever to get somewhere. Love the lakes, I do, but it is frustrating. 

A view at my apartments

2) Write about something presently in your life that is "worth it". 

Working is worth it. I would rather be at home making cookies and cleaning. However, I know myself. Without my own income and independence, I would hate my life. I would feel deprieved and locked away. Working allows me to get out, socialize, and get paid. It's totally worth it. 

3) You are the wind's interpreter. What is it saying? 

HUMANS SUCK! Die humans, die. Oh! Look! A piece of garbage! Oh! Look! Someone dropped money.....now it's gone. HA! 

4) Come up with a mathematical formula to express something you know/believe. 

Hard work + Kindness + Love + Humor + Responsibility - Religion - Hate = A decent world

Wednesday Writing Prompts #1

Happy Wednesday everyone! For Xmas I bought myself a little writing prompt journal. I just now started writing in it. For fun I'll share some of the prompts that I've written. Feel free to join in with your answers! I'm really curious to see what everyone else says.

1) What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day? 

The perfect day of laziness requires my comfy bed, the TV, and some snacks. I'll binge watch a TV show or a collection of my favorite movies. During all of  this, I'll read a book, do some writing, or work on a project of some sorts. The best lazy day starts early and staying up late. At one point, there needs to be one or two naps. 

2) Have you ever spoken up when you saw something going on that was wrong? Were you scared? What ended up happening? 

It's really hard for me to defend myself, but when someone is wrongly being attacked or being treated unjustly, I will speak out in their defense. For instance, my mother was pretty much being robbed by a phone company (that I will not name). They realized she was an easy target because her knowledge on technology and phones is limited. They not only overcharged her, but they also treated her like garbage on the street. I had enough and took the phone from her and gave them a swift lesson. They removed the fees and apologized. I spoke with their manager and informed them. Years later, that same company was sued for overcharging by a group of lawyers. My mom received a nice check of some of her money back. I wasn't scared during the fiasco, because it had to be done. Sometimes you need to be the hero. 

3) What is your favorite work of art? What do you love about it?

My favorite work of art would be the Cherry Blossom by Van Gogh. It's beautiful and it resonates within my soul. The colors sooth me and bring a smile to my lips. It is simple, but speaks volumes to me. The painting is an example of the painters brilliance with taking a simple object and bringing it to life. It is for sure my favorite piece ever. 

4) Write a diary entry, dated 10 years in the future.

Dear Diary, 

            Holy cannoli I'm 35 years old!  Not sure why it really hit me today. I guess time flies when life is so busy. It's nonstop at work. Plus I have that novel due next month. I really better get on that. 35 years old and I still procrastinate. Ugh my baby just turned 8 the other day. I can't believe it! Ugh, time slow down. Let me enjoy my youth and my baby's youth! Well....no extra time, I must fly

<3 Carole